The Trials of Archibald Henderson of Windsor

He sat upright in his chair, glanced around, and promptly returned to the position of whence he came. All was quiet. Too quiet for Archibald Henderson's liking. He concluded he must entertain himself, for the servants had long since retired to their quarters, and he hadn't the mind to wake them. The liquor cabinet was within reach, as was his pipe, but he refrained from indulging in either, insisting he must not commit to these activities until well into the early hours of the morning. Therefore he rose, and began a feeble search of the room for some activity to elevate his boredom. Alas, he found none, so he continued his search elsewhere, much to the dismay of Ginger, sleeping quietly in her chair; abruptly woken by the clattering of the Masters vain searching. She looked at him questioningly, not knowing his reason for waking her, and then not even doing the honour of paying any attention to her. He in fact did quite the opposite, and she went unnoticed, even when his careless slippers descended on her carefully groomed tail, which prompted her to pursue her business elsewhere. Archibald wiped his brow with his red satan handkerchief. He was getting flustered, so, remembering what the doctor had said, he lay down on the sofa, and began counting sheep. Well, what he called 'sheep' were actually defects and cracks in the ageing roof, but no one need know, therefore no one was the wiser, and he continued his counting for a good hour, before he presently dozed off into a half exhausted and half intoxicated slumber, for Archibald had taken up his previously dismissed activity of drinking and smoking to make the counting of 'sheep' more enjoyable. Yet he was still unhappy, and the erratic movement of his eyelids, and the nervous twitch of his bottom right lip reflected that. He did, in fact, have no reason whatsoever to be unhappy, but as most privileged people do, he felt alone and unappreciated. In his slumber he finished his deliberation on whether or not Earl Widsserald shall marry his daughter, Lady Levinia, and he concluded that they shall wed on the morrow. Therefore a hasty arrangement he made, and he alerted his servants to prepare for a grand wedding to be held in his very own hall. The gasped at the request, and protested a considerable lack of time, and one impudent young servant went as far as to say the master was 'unfair and mean hearted'. Archibald immediately had him beheaded, and this jolted the rest to do as they were told. In no time at all, the hall was prepared. The decorations were hanging, the cake was baked, the guests were arriving, and Archibald was talking to the priest. When Father Jonathan learned of the hasty preparations, he marvelled at the accomplishment, and complemented Archibald on his leadership of his servants. Archibald smiled politely, and began mingling with the other guests, welcoming them all and thanking them for coming on such short notice. However, there was one man whom Archibald had specifically told the servants not to admit, and there was that very man, standing right before him. He drew a knife from his side, and stabbed him in the back. The man collapsed on the floor, quite dead, and a pool of blood began to spread concentrically around his carcass. The guests were quite stunned at this spectacle, and ashamed that it was not them who had noticed the unwelcome guest and plugged him rightly with their swards. To gain a little redemption in the others eyes, each and every guest, in their place, spat on the body and smeared a little blood on their white lace armlets. Archibald was pleased with this outcome, and decided it was time to fetch the bride. He called for his daughter, and manifested there in front of his very eyes she appeared. He positioned her with the priest, and then waited on the groom. He waited still. the groom did not arrive until twelve past eight, and, for his reckless impoliteness and arrogance, Archibald had him removed for later execution. Lady Levinia was exhalted, as she never loved or wanted to marry him anyway, and to celebrate, she had four servants fight to the death. They did so, and she then had the winner beheaded and stuffed for a trophy. Archibald was pleased with this, and pleased also that he was no longer bored, even though he had to wake the servants after all.

Contents

- Maori Myths & Legends

- For the Glory of Rome
- The Sanity of Professor R.J. Basil Part One, Two, Three
- The Trials of Archibald Henderson of Windsor

- Convergere

- Other