Criticisms of Political Parties

Labour- It doesnt matter what we stand for because everyone knows we are going to win. We dont just do politics, either. We are very keen on painting and farming genetically modified corn. But it's a secret, shhhhhh.

National- National is pumped, primed, and rip roaring for a knockout punch. We believe that Labour is utterly useless, and don't understand why no one is voting for us, when we are clearly more cut out for the job.

Alliance- We in the Alliance believe all men are pigs. They are the main cause for our economic woes, so it is up to us to put things right. We will tax the capitalist bastards until they beg for mercy. We also have a policy on prison reforms, and we puch for more comfortable prisons. As it stands, prisoners only get one pillow, and no option of a waterbed or feathered duvets. And although every cell has a TV, we believe they deserve SKY TV too. I mean, at the moment, prisons only qualify as extremely comfortable, and that is clearly not good enough.

Progressive Coalition- We in the PC intend to be progressive. We have progressive policies on everything. We intend to help the cvountry progress at a progressive rate that we can progressively be a part of. We are much more progressive than the Alliance (*cough* bastards *cough*). When we are running the country everything will be free and there will be no unemployment and no crime. Because money grows on trees, and I have super powers.

United Future New Zealand- We have a problem in New Zealand. What is it? Too many divorces. Solution- ban divorces, and turn custody of children over to the church. We endevour to teach the young generation the importance of a stable family, and the dangers of herecy. We will release all the criminals from prison, replace school teachers with church ministers, send everyone who argues with us on a pilgrimage to the holy land and we can all live as one big happy family under Almighty God.

Christian Heritage New Zealand- As our name suggests, we are Christians and proud of it. We intend to replace the position of Prime Minister with that of our Lord Jesus Christ and bow to His commands. We accept supporters of all ages and religions, but only until we get into power, when we will burn you all.

The Green Party- Legalise pot and other narcotic drugs, take all the money from the capitalist pigs, and lets all get wasted and dance naked under rainbows. It'll be, like, groovy man.

New Zealand First- No beating around the bush here- deport all Asian immigrants. Problem solved.

N.M.P.- The NMP stands for whatever you can make out of the letters (including No More Politicians) Our main focus is on intergrating the elderly and streetkids into society, and we have a strong emphasis on the elderly and streetkids having fun. We intend to have mantitory fun weeks for the elderly and streetkids, where television will be banned, because the elderly dont like it and streetkids dont have televisions anyway, and we can have national carnivals where the elderly and streetkids come together and have fun. Because the elderly and streetkids are our future, you know.

Outdoor Recreation- There is not enough emphasis on sport in New Zealand. So we intend to ban all other activities and create a master race of sporting men and women whom we shall keep in control by means of whips and prods. We are also against Genetic Engineering, chemical spraying, and commercial fisheries because they hinder our master race from training outdoors.

Contents

- Maori Myths & Legends

- For the Glory of Rome
- The Sanity of Professor R.J. Basil Part One, Two, Three
- The Trials of Archibald Henderson of Windsor

- Convergere

- Other